A near death experience . . .

Three years ago today, August 5 (it was a Thursday), I experienced what some would probably refer to as one of the "defining moments" of my life.

My wife, Win, and my younger son, TJ, and I arrived in Salem (OR) the previous night. I was candidating for the position of Senior Pastor at North Salem Baptist Church. The pastoral search committee had scheduled several meetings for us with various individuals and groups on Thursday-Saturday, and I was to preach twice on Sunday (morning and evening).

At 5:30 a.m. on that unforgettable Thursday I left the motel where we were staying and walked a half-mile north to a family restaurant where I was to have breakfast with the former pastor, the chairman of the deacon board, and the chairman of the pastoral search committee. The former pastor began the morning by reading the devotional of the day from Charles Spurgeon's Morning and Evening. The verse on the top of the page that morning was "We know that all things work together for good to them that love God" (Romans 8:28). Spurgeon's commentary began with these words, "Upon some points a believer is absolutely sure. He knows, for instance, that God sits in the stern-sheets of the vessel when it rocks most. He believes that an invisible hand is always on the world’s tiller, and that wherever providence may drift, Jehovah steers it. That re-assuring knowledge prepares him for everything." (Spurgeon, C. H.: Morning and Evening : Daily Readings. Oak Harbor, WA : Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1995, S. August 5 AM).

We had a wonderful time together, and approximately three hours later I began the half-mile walk back to the motel where Win and TJ were waiting for me. Win and I had a 10:00 a.m. meeting with a realtor in town, and TJ was going to spend the day with one of the families of the church. As I walked I began to feel a strange pain in both of my arms, unlike anything I had ever felt before. I labored up the steps to the second floor of the motel, entered our room and collapsed on the bed, informing Win and TJ that I wasn't feeling well. I wondered if it was something I ate. TJ thought I needed some potassium. Win asked if I had taken my medication for the day (a pill for my hyptertension along with a baby aspirin). I had forgotten all about my meds, and once I downed them I began to feel better. Minutes later I assured Win that I was well enough to keep our appointment with the realtor. We said good-bye to TJ, headed out the door and into our rental car, and were in a matter of moments headed south on the I-5 freeway. Suddenly the pain returned, much more intense than before. My entire upper body felt like it was in a vice. I was beginning to think that I might be having a heart attack. I didn't want to frighten Win, but as soon as I exited the freeway I stopped the car and asked her to drive as I climbed into the back seat. She said, "Where?" All of a sudden I noticed a little blue hospital sign at the side of the road. "Follow those signs!" I yelled. Providentially, we were only minutes away from the Salem Regional Medical Center. Win pulled into the emergency room parking lot, and I managed to walk into the building, where I saw a nurse sitting at a desk positioned under a sign that read "Triage Nurse." I walked up to her and said, "Excuse me, mam. Could you please help me? I think I am having a heart attack." Suddenly I was surrounded by a group of medical personnel, placing me a stretcher, wheeling me into the ER, stripping off my clothes, hooking me up to IVs. The pain became excruciating, for which I was administered a good dose of morphine. I remember trying to answer questions, and feeling rather confused and disoriented. Everything seemed so surreal.

While I was laying there, the thought suddenly occurred to me, "So this is how it happens. This is how people die. I am going to die, and I can't even say 'good-bye' to Win." I was scared. I knew I was ready to meet my Maker, but somehow I felt I wasn't ready to leave my wife and family. I was only 53. I thought the Lord had more for me to do.

To be sure, my near death experience wasn't like others I had heard and / or read about. I mean, I didn't see any bright shining light at the end of some long, dark tunnel. In fact, later I would joke about it and remind people that there is a motel chain that promises to "leave the lights on" for its guests. I would remark that apparently the Lord didn't even "leave the lights on for me."

It was as though time stopped for me and everything became a blur. In reality, it was several hours later when I became aware that I was indeed in a room with bright lights, and several people dressed in white clothes. My first thoughts were that I had died and gone to heaven. I figured that if my body was indeed alive, what in the world was I doing in this room with bright lights and everyone dressed in white? On the other had, I asked myself, "But if I am dead, why do I feel like I have to throw up?" Win tells me that I indeed did throw up all over myself there in the recovery room.

I was released from the hospital the following Monday, after a visit by my cardiologist. I wanted to know how badly my heart was damaged. He answered very frankly and without emotion, "Joe, your heart attack was massive and extensive. When you arrived at the hospital, you probably had no more than five minutes to spare."

Well, I am still here, three years later. I believe with all my heart that the Lord had (and still has) more work for me to do for Him. I preached my candidating sermon on August 15th (instead of August 8th), and the following week the church membership voted unanimously to call me as their Pastor. We accepted the call, sold our home in Michigan, and after an eventful cross-country journey (perhaps that will be the subject of another blog), we finally began our ministry at North Salem Baptist Church in early November, 2004.

The text I preached on my candidating Sunday was taken from Acts 20. I had a whole new perspective on its truth following my heart attack. And now today, three years later, it means more to me than ever: "But none of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God" (Acts 20:24).